PGHIMC - Pittsburgh Independent Media Center

City Chocalate Reserves Critically Low.
by Twig Andberries Friday, Apr. 04, 2003 at 11:54 AM

The S. Odamninsane rally for healing has area bakeries working overtime.

Pittsburgh, PA--- Area bakeries have added extra shifts and kept their ovens glowing through the night producing tens of thousands of chocalate cakes for the "S. Odamninsane rally for healing," scheduled for 4:00 p.m. today on Grant Street.
The rally, which is being held to call attention to the capricious censorship of free ideas currently being practiced by Pittsburgh IndyMedia, will be peacful and center on healing the rifts that have been developing on the pages of the Pittsburgh IMC website.
Even City council has sprung into action, authorizing the use of city funds to aquire much needed chocolate from Cleveland, as the Pittsburgh's emergency chocolate reserves fall to dangerous levels.
Mayor Murphy however was not so enthused about using city monies for additional cocoa supplies.
"To be honest," said Murphy, "I prefer Angel food. Besides, I'm Irish so I'm continuously loaded, so what do I care?"
Despite Murphy's drunken protest and expressed preference for things vanilla, Pittsburgh bakeries hummed like a Detroit production line through the night, churning out lovely Devil's food creations of all shapes and sizes.
"We are trying hard to meet the demand." Said Menachem Greenberg, owner of the "Happy Zionist" kosher bakery in Squirrell Hill. Greenberg even added extra Rabbis to make sure that every savory confection was properly blessed.
The huge demand for Chocolate confections has caused some unlikely alliances in the baking industry. Kahlil Ali, the Palestinian owner of "Pita's Plus," in the Southside had been at his ovens all night, baking special "Chocolate Healing Pitas" for today's rally. When his cocoa bin was very near empty, it was Greenberg who came to the rescue, donating 200 pounds of bakers chocolate to his ethnic rival--free of charge.
"Even Zionist pigs can be reasonable during S.Odamninsane day," said Ali. "He gave us the chocolate, and we are thankful. We may kill him tomorrow, but for now there will be no violence."
Pittsburgh Police are also preparing for what department spokespeople call an "onslaught of anarchist freaks on a balls out sugar high." Special Insulin Stabilization teams will be on hand to prevent diabetic shock and administer other, related nutritional treatments as needed.
At a press conference early this morning, S. Odamninsane announced that the peaceful rally would begin at or near 4:00p.m. on Grant Street downtown. "Bring napkins and plenty of cold milk, "he said.
Pittsburgh IMC, in a fit of churlish spite, refused to comment.

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