community-based, non-corporate, participatory media
City Chocalate Reserves Critically Low.
by Twig Andberries
Friday, Apr. 04, 2003 at 11:54 AM
The S. Odamninsane rally for healing has area bakeries working overtime.
Pittsburgh, PA--- Area bakeries have added extra shifts and kept their ovens glowing through the night producing tens of thousands of chocalate cakes for the "S. Odamninsane rally for healing," scheduled for 4:00 p.m. today on Grant Street.
The rally, which is being held to call attention to the capricious censorship of free ideas currently being practiced by Pittsburgh IndyMedia, will be peacful and center on healing the rifts that have been developing on the pages of the Pittsburgh IMC website.
Even City council has sprung into action, authorizing the use of city funds to aquire much needed chocolate from Cleveland, as the Pittsburgh's emergency chocolate reserves fall to dangerous levels.
Mayor Murphy however was not so enthused about using city monies for additional cocoa supplies.
"To be honest," said Murphy, "I prefer Angel food. Besides, I'm Irish so I'm continuously loaded, so what do I care?"
Despite Murphy's drunken protest and expressed preference for things vanilla, Pittsburgh bakeries hummed like a Detroit production line through the night, churning out lovely Devil's food creations of all shapes and sizes.
"We are trying hard to meet the demand." Said Menachem Greenberg, owner of the "Happy Zionist" kosher bakery in Squirrell Hill. Greenberg even added extra Rabbis to make sure that every savory confection was properly blessed.
The huge demand for Chocolate confections has caused some unlikely alliances in the baking industry. Kahlil Ali, the Palestinian owner of "Pita's Plus," in the Southside had been at his ovens all night, baking special "Chocolate Healing Pitas" for today's rally. When his cocoa bin was very near empty, it was Greenberg who came to the rescue, donating 200 pounds of bakers chocolate to his ethnic rival--free of charge.
"Even Zionist pigs can be reasonable during S.Odamninsane day," said Ali. "He gave us the chocolate, and we are thankful. We may kill him tomorrow, but for now there will be no violence."
Pittsburgh Police are also preparing for what department spokespeople call an "onslaught of anarchist freaks on a balls out sugar high." Special Insulin Stabilization teams will be on hand to prevent diabetic shock and administer other, related nutritional treatments as needed.
At a press conference early this morning, S. Odamninsane announced that the peaceful rally would begin at or near 4:00p.m. on Grant Street downtown. "Bring napkins and plenty of cold milk, "he said.
Pittsburgh IMC, in a fit of churlish spite, refused to comment.
???
by Tim Ianulli
Friday, Apr. 04, 2003 at 12:07 PM
timianulli@freudian-slip.org
The "news" posted here is increasingly satirical. When did this turn into the Onion?
Tim
by -
Friday, Apr. 04, 2003 at 12:11 PM
We have a bit of a freeper problem, and apparently, it's illegal to exterminate them. At least this guy (S. Odamninsane, Prodigal Likudnik, B. Meade) is kinda funny, and speaks and writes English.
Thanks
by .
Friday, Apr. 04, 2003 at 12:18 PM
Thanks for lightening up the mood around here!
The Onion?
by no name for fear of reprisal or slander.
Friday, Apr. 04, 2003 at 12:20 PM
Who needs the Onion? Pgh-IMC is much more ridiculous.
How Can We Help
by Dog That Says "Nee"
Friday, Apr. 04, 2003 at 12:24 PM
Being a dog, I can't eat chocolate, but I want help others heal.. I will contribute all of may carob treats. I call upon all dogs of all breeds to join with me on this S. Odamninsane Day of Healing and Reflection.
These Are Tears of Joy
by S. Odamninsane
Friday, Apr. 04, 2003 at 2:24 PM
I am overjoyed that we are not even to the march yet, and already the signs of healing and reflection are sweeping through the great hordes of freedom loving citizens of this Gotham on the Mon' like some virulent southeast asia flu. It warms my cockles, or in the Dog's case - cocker spaniels, to see what we can achieve when we work together for peace, understanding, horticulture and confections. Thank you everyone, and I look forward to our peaceful assembly of healers and reflectors.
Oh No, Here we go agian.
by Two Bits
Friday, Apr. 04, 2003 at 4:11 PM
Ah, Mr. 25 Cents, you are definitely never going to be going near Project 1877. And if you aren't careful you are going to make us have to have another day of healing and reflection.
Mayor Murphy Not a Drunk
by Prodigal Yunzer
Friday, Apr. 04, 2003 at 8:05 PM
A fan of big government? Yes. A guy who wants to close the Tenth Street Bypass to make a new littertrap (park) along a frozen river? Yes. A stooge of big labor, who have demonstrated the principle of diminishing returns by strangling the productive sector while relying on the nonproductive public sector for their membership growth, which now must cut back due to the lack of productive sector tax revenues? Yes.
But a drunk? Never. Murphy is a teetotaller ( note to you semiliterate anarchistic poets, this means he does not drink at all). I accuse the author of anti Irish racism. Would you expect every african american male with baggy pants and a big jacket to sell you a dime bag? The ones not already in jail, I mean. No you would not because that would be racist.
Mayor Murphy
by Life Long Yinzer
Monday, Apr. 07, 2003 at 9:09 AM
I believe that the news article above was saying that the Mayor Murphy is constantly loaded on chocolate and has an intoxicating personality.
Mayor Smurphy Was Right
by Yunzer, but no younger
Saturday, Jul. 17, 2004 at 11:26 PM
You see. He tried to warn us. And now all of this frivolous spending on chocolate and confections just so we could have a day of peaceful reflection for our own selfish needs has run the City straight into bankruptcy. Teetotaller though he may be, he was right. I blame S.Odamninsane for this.
Death to S.Odamninsane !!!! Tax the commuters !!!! Tax S.Odamninsane and his dog !!!! Tax all things chocolate !!!!!
I call on IMC to put togetehr a banner drop very soon to denounce the reckless spending that S. Odamninsane has forced upon the City. His foolish peaceful rallies for no good reason cost the City money. Damn it S.O. we need to protest the haters like the Republicans and Bush, not spend our time enjoying dessert and trying to love and understand one another.
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